Dear Riya:

You are very welcome.

“he was easy to get angry, he never used to get angry on me, he used to treat me like a princess”, and then he got angry at you. When he got angry at you, he didn’t treat you like a princess: “this time he was so angry on me and he started.. hitting on my insecurities.. Then he ended the conversation after him saying a few cuss word to me”-

– the Princess treatment was temporary to begin with, it was a time limited princess treatment. The princess treatment was conditional on things going his way. It was only a matter of time before you were to fall from Princess to Unworthy.

This is how I imagine your life with him if you were to marry him: he would  have treated you like a princess again until the next time you don’t do things his way. Over time you will feel more and more guilty, as if you are responsible for his change of treatment.

This Princess-> Unworthy treatment is a manipulative strategy aimed to break down a person, so that the person submits to the manipulator. It is not a strategy necessarily born from a cold hearted contemplation, but it’s a strategy that people somehow learn and adopt.

Imagine if you had children with him, he would manipulate his own children this way and cause them much harm. Children suffer more deeply than adults, so  imagine how much your children would have suffered to fall from the high position of Prince or Princess to Unworthy, again and again, repeatedly.

I have no doubt that you made the right decision to break up with him. But please be cautious when you encounter people in the future who will use your empathy and your strong sense of personal responsibility against you, like he has done.

“I’m feeling so guilty that I made a person suffer so much who has once treated me like a princess and appreciated my journey of being strong in life, started saying.. I deserve difficulties like those depressing phases in my  life”- his manipulation worked on you: he got you to feel guilty, and that would be your state of mind as a married woman, if you married him: guilty.

He didn’t really appreciate your journey of being strong in life, he used the information you gave him (your struggle with a disease and how it strengthened you) against you when it suited him. His goal is not to encourage your strength but to weaken you, and he has succeeded to a point, because you are suffering, which is what he wanted.

I hope you heal and recover from this bad experience, learn from it and gain your strength back!

anita