Dear Isabelle:

You are very welcome and thank you for your appreciation. I didn’t know you left your son’s father, that’s good news to me.

Regarding whom you refer to as your friends with benefits, if he was a good part of the reason you left your son’s father, then meeting him was of benefit to you.

“It may sound foolish.. I feel like a drowning person who has finally found a buoy to hold on to”- it is not foolish for a drowning person to hold on to a buoy. It is instinctive and naturally.. wise.

Part of the reason I suggested to not proceed with him is because of the distress and distrust in him that you described. If overall there is more distress than comfort+joy in your relationship with him, then it’s not much of a buoy for you anymore.

“The kind of men you described, I have never met” – how wonderful it will be when you do meet one. I met a good man in my later forties, now married to him.

“Any advice on how to find the courage to end this relationship with my friends-with-benefits would be most welcome”- no rush to end this relationship: you don’t see him, if I understand correctly, because of quarantine, on one hand, and on the other you moved out of your ex’s two months ago, and you need something… or  someone  to hold on to, that buoy you mentioned.  So don’t pressure  yourself to let go  of him.

But keep in mind the distress vs. comfort/joy balance so that you are not holding on to a buoy-turned-cement brick that will drag you down, under water.

Be kind to yourself, aim at peace of mind and a better life for yourself, have you (and your son) be your number one priority. Post here anytime and I will be glad to reply to you every time you post.

anita