Dear Isabelle:

You moved out only two months and seven days ago (March 2), that’s not long ago. Give yourself time to adjust further to this change, a change that is definitely for the better. And congratulate yourself for making this change, remind yourself of this accomplishment every day, giving yourself the credit you deserve for making it happen.

You wrote that you used to  find your ex excuses “for being so selfish and inconsiderate”- what were those excuses?

“Perhaps I am doing the same thing with P. Being too  understanding”- what is it that you understood about P, excusing him not taking the time to email you once or a few times per day?

“I was still with my ex when I met P.. My situation has changed however, but not his”- I wonder how he reacted to you moving out, if that scared him, leading him to think that since you moved, you’d want more from him (?)

(I don’t feel comfortable asking you question after question, yet.. how will I learn about you and your situation if I don’t ask.. ooops, I asked yet another question!)

“How does one cultivate a ‘realistic with a touch of  optimism perspective?”- cultivate a realistic perspective by finding out what reality is. Regarding P- what is the reality of his partnership or marriage? What is his life like on the inside, behind closed doors, what is his routine, his relationships with his children, with the mother of his children, with others? The more information you have about his life, the more of a realistic perspective you will have about whether you can fit in his life, and in what ways/ to what extent.

A touch  of  optimism, you expressed optimism here: “Rebuild my strength slowly. This has worked in the past, maybe it will work again“!

anita