Dear Isabelle:

I ended all  contact with my mother seven years ago.  There was no other way for me to reach a semblance of sanity otherwise.

It is interesting, the title of your thread is “Confused and seeking guidance on an unconventional relationship”, meaning a very new relationship with a man, P. But the most powerful unconventional relationship in your mind and life, by far, is the one with your mother.

It is unconventional for a child to emotionally take care of her mother: a child cannot do that, it is impossible, because a child is naturally not strong enough to do so. It is supposed to be the other way around: a mother is supposed to emotionally take care of her child, and the mother is supposed to be strong enough to do so.

When you took your mother with you to Belgium, you put a smile on her face. You didn’t heal her and you didn’t make her happy, you know. Similar to when I had my mother visit New York City long ago- it brought a smile to her face for a few weeks, but did nothing to make any difference in her mind or life.

anita