Dear Isabelle:

“I don’t feel that I was abused. Neglected, ignored and betrayed, yes. But not abused”- being neglected, ignored and especially betrayed = being emotionally abused.

And Emotional abuse = Physical abuse. When betrayed by the person most important to us, as children, certain very physical biochemical processes take place that cause this lifetime condition: “I have lived with anxiety since a very young age. Around 5, I started having violent migraines that would make me throw up. I also had night terrors”.

Anxiety, violent migraines, throwing up and night terrors are very much physical.

“Her life has been so difficult and when I can, I try to make it a bit better”- your life has been so difficult and when you can, do try to make it better.

“Somehow it feels like it is healing me when I am able to bring joy to her”- it will be healing to you if you stop investing in bringing her joy.

“I still want to take care of her”- take care of you and your son.

“She tends to make poor life choices, and ends up in trouble, financially and psychologically”- make better choices than hers, so that you no longer end up in trouble psychologically, if not financially.

“She disappointed me over and over again. Why do I still try”? – stop trying.

“it makes me feel good to put a smile on her face”- to have a smile on your face more and more often, don’t look for your mother’s face, to see if she smiles or frowns. Look at your own face, don’t look at hers.

“my goal in life was more like doing the exact opposite from what she’s done”- would you like to elaborate on this sentence?

anita