Dear Suzie36:

Reads like your mother’s “parenting method” was to take advantage of you. I suppose it was “the best she could” do for herself, at your expense.

Guilt tripping is a common tool mothers use to get what they want from their children. Nothing to do with parenting, it’s a behavioral strategy that works because children naturally feel empathy for the mother, wanting to make her happy.

I can very much relate to how much the neighbors’ noise bothers you. I suffered a whole lot from neighbors’ noise. Seven years ago I moved to the country, far away from neighbors, but still I could hear the neighbors (father, son and visitors) playing basketball during summer evenings and it bothered me a lot. There were other noises that bothered me around here too: the barking of dogs and the calling of a rooster. What I found out living in the country, in recent years, was that much of what bothered me was not the noise itself, but that I thought that the neighbors were inconsiderate, that they knew the noise was bothering me and they didn’t care! That infuriated me.

For example, I thoughts that one of my neighbors, the ones with the rooster, knew it bothered me but didn’t care. Later it occurred to me: wait, the rooster noise (morning, noon, evening, all through) didn’t bother them. So maybe they didn’t think it will bother their neighbors either. Maybe it didn’t cross their minds that it will bother a neighbor, such as me.

At that point, the noise bothered me less and less, until  it no longer did. The rooster has been quiet today though. Maybe it’s their dinner later on. It will be okay with me, if that’s the case.

anita