Dear Jaia:

When we feel too intensely about something, we get overly stressed and overwhelmed, so we have to do something to lessen that intensity- it is called emotional regulation. If what we do is healthy for us (ex. taking a walk, end an abusive relationship) then we’re in good shape, but if what we do is unhealthy for us (ex. inject heroine, end a good relationship) then we’re bad shape. We have to first lessen the intensity of our emotions enough to be able to choose a healthy behavior, pay attention from time to time to how we feel, and when we feel tension in our bodies, lower it (focus on breathing, play relaxing music, get up from our chair and perform some physical task, etc.) This way the tension doesn’t build and build unchecked until we lose our senses and act any which way, ending up in some trouble.

Emotional regulation is  a key concept in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Mindfulness based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I wish he had access to such therapy. I wish he had that kind of therapy. Are you familiar with the concept?

I wonder if you often suffer from migraines and if it is related to your physical disability.

anita