Hey Anita, thanks so much for the reply! Tbh I forgot I ever posted it, I posted much of the same thing on various sites directly after her ending things.

I have since moved back in with my family across the country and have realized that the relationship was not good, probably for either of us. I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, if you’ve heard of that, and I think that for a week or two after she ended things I was in panic mode trying to get her back so I wouldn’t be alone. Once it sunk in that there is nothing I could do, I was able to start looking back through all of our time together with a different perspective, which was very difficult, and honestly I am glad that she had the balls to end it because we both needed it to. We got together when I was very suicidal and she was having her own mental health issues and I guess we kinda fed on one another for all the time since. I have been able to see all of my personal issues I refused to acknowledge before now, and am trying to work on them so that I can be a healthier person who cultivates healthy relationships for once.

I’m still having a tough time, which I feel is reasonable, but less with losing her and more about how terrible I have been mentally this whole time and how deeply I twisted things to believe that I was doing well. I never fully recovered from my problems as a young teen and this has allowed me to see that, and realize how they played a part in our relationship, and why I had myself convinced that she was it for me and that I wanted only her ever. So yeah! We did break up, we have all the bills and property and such split up finally, and I am working on forging new, better relationships. Though, I am not planning on beginning an actual romantic relationship for a while. Hopefully I’ll come out of all this a better person who is deserving and fair to everyone I share my life with in the future.

Thank you again so much for your heartfelt reply and the resources you provided! I hope you are doing well.