Dear Maya:

You are welcome and thank you for your kind words. You are not in love with your husband. You want to divorce him but you feel guilty about it because you worry that a divorce will hurt your three children, and that it will hurt your husband. Also,  if your husband knew that you had an affair, he will divorce you, meaning he is not okay with an open marriage or a roommate situation with you, where you date other men while married to him. Options were discussed on your thread. Here are the options as I see them:

1. Live with your husband as a couple until all your children are young adults and then consider a divorce, accepting that this is your life until you are about 50, no longer being stuck in conflict.

2. You worry a lot about your children’s welfare if you divorce- consult with a reputable child psychotherapist on the matter, share with the therapist the details of your marriage and parenting of your three children, and ask her/ him the questions you asked here: “If I divorce, will my kids be ok? Will this affect their life so badly? I know as long as we do good on co-parent, the kids will adapt but I cannot be assured about it”.

3. Seek psychotherapy for yourself so to arrive a state of mind where you are at peace and confident about doing what is right for your children.

anita