Dear Sam:

“My partner and I have been together for 2 years… I want to marry her. I’ve tried to broach it in a subtle manner like what does love mean to you etc but she is cagey and laughs”- reads to me that two years into a supposed intimate relationship would relax a person enough to.. not be cagey when serious topics are brought up.

She is cagey, in a cage… makes me think of a person in jail, being stuck in a cage, or a cell. How can you interact with a person who lives in a cell? Visitations on Sunday. What I am trying to say is that the only relationship you can have with a cagey person is a very limited relationship.

You want to marry her, she is cagey: it is a very uncomfortable situation for you, and when you try to resolve your discomfort by figuring out what she wants from the relationship, she gets very uncomfortable.

Maybe a couple therapist will be able to relax your girlfriend just enough so to get her to express herself honestly. Do you think she may be open to the idea?

anita