Anita.

I have to tell you how much I appreciate what you’ve said here. I feel like I’m being seen and that isn’t easy to come by for me. The few people who really know me would say what you’ve said. I recently came across a poem a friend wrote me years ago in which she describes how I’m misunderstood, and that is really true. I look one way, act another way, speak and engage in a certain way and then make another impression entirely on many people. My astrologer once told me that my challenge in life is to translate myself. People don’t often get me, as I’m a tad confusing lol, but unfortunately I do tend to internalize that. I was the quiet one, the studious one, the one who never quite fit in, even when she tried. Being a loner feels more natural, but everyone needs companionship, which more frequently shows up in a romantic context. I’ve learned so much about myself and other people in them. They haven’t always been great, but I wouldn’t change them, because I grew somehow or I got stronger in some way. Challenges and limitations are some of my greatest teachers and allies.

As for men, I don’t always have the best picker. In honesty, I tend to gravitate toward different iterations of my dad, with different ratios of both his good and his less-than-easy qualities. He has always been a staple in my life and his life was hard, so leaving men with similar qualities perhaps feels, deep down, like I am somehow abandoning him. So there it is, what I’ve heard before–I am still unconsciously working out my daddy issues.

Finding a partner on equal footing has been challenging, but I will either meet that person or persons one day or meet an ever better version of myself as I go.

Thank you again for this, Anita. Be well.