Sometimes we label things in a negative way that are really our lessons in life. To see the last relationship as “failed” labels it as bad. Perhaps it isn’t a failed relationship nor bad. Perhaps it is a life lesson that you needed, something to learn from as we all must. To see this relationship as being a lesson in your life that you need to learn from labels it as positive. People come into our lives for a reason and sometimes that reason is because we don’t have good self esteem or we are seeking external validation. Sometimes we need external love because we don’t have internal self love. Others are there to fill our emotional needs to feel good about ourselves. Sometimes that reason is that we are ready, and have done our work, to become who we need to be to be in that relationship. You have had a lot of change in life in the last years which often throws us for a loop. You also write about your diagnosis and I call these brain health disorders from what I read one time in a book. What if your depression and anhedonia make it more problematic to have healthy relationships and require more work on your part to heal yourself? Not saying you are wrong or bad but what if this journey has not ended for you yet. What if the learning is still going on. I finally have a good husband but am lacking in friends due to moving, due to being picky, and covid-19 stopping in person gatherings where I live. I had an old friend call me recently and she is still so dysfunctional, depressed, and filled with crippling anxiety. I tried to give her advice which is why she called me but the call made me remember why I had to detach from her. Our relationship is extremely lopsided, I have grown and matured and she has not. We are both grandmothers, and I am entering this stage happier and she is frightened and miserable and unable to take care of her personal business. I tell you this because sometimes if we keep looking back, we can’t see the road up ahead. I am going to suggest you start doing positive self talk and journaling about how you feel. Get in touch with how you feel. Find the positive that this last relationship has taught you or has brought to you. Maybe you think nothing, but there is something. Maybe the lesson is to know yourself more or to do more internal work. Just using that as an example, or maybe that lesson is to keep seeking brain health disorder help.