Hi Anita,

Thank you once again for your quick reply. Thank you also for your kind words regarding my father! He was diagnosed with kidney cancer in late June and luckily was able to have surgery in July to remove what they could of the cancer. He’s doing okay now, but unfortunately, there were some complications that he’s still healing from now. Unfortunately a couple of weeks ago my dog was also diagnosed with cancer and had to have emergency surgery to remove his spleen while I was away in the other city. He’s recovering well from the surgery, but we have sadly been told his cancer is terminal. All of this occurred right after meeting the man that I have recently written about. In writing this, I am reminded of the initial person I began writing on this forum about, J, whom I began dating while my mother was also fighting cancer. I wondering if there are some parallels there with how I’m feeling now.

He and I began talking late in June and met for the first time in person in early July. He was not my usual type, but he made an effort to call me before we met in person and he seemed to take initiative and was older than the men I had dated in the past, so I thought perhaps it would be a good fit. We became physically intimate early on, but I was alright with this. To be honest, at that time, I wasn’t sure if it would develop into a relationship or not, but I wasn’t too focused on it as I had not yet moved to this city. I was only able to stay for a couple of weeks this visit though, as I had to urgently fly back to my home city when my dog became sick as it was looking at that time that he would not make it. After I rushed back home in such a hurry, I honestly didn’t think I would hear more from S. To my surprise, he called and checked in every day that I was back home, despite me not knowing when I would be able to come back. He began calling me “Sweety” and other pet names and overall seemed to me to be treating me like a girlfriend. He told me at this time that he wasn’t planning on going on other dates, and I felt comfortable with this and also did not go on other dates. When I was able to come back to this city, he picked me up from the airport and we spent most of the weekend together. Throughout my time in knowing him, it seemed to me with his actions he was clearly showing that he wanted an exclusive relationship with me. He spoke about how he had purchased property here and was building his own studio for his business and house and how he could see me living with him and how I could operate my practice virtually there with him. He spoke about how he believed I would make a good partner, and mother. At no point did I feel like he was still interested in playing the field.

My surprise came when on Tuesday of my trip, he alluded to the fact that he would let me know if he ended up dating or being with someone else. I told him I didn’t realize he was still considering this, and he told me that he felt that he wasn’t 100% sure he was ready for a committed relationship “right now”. I took this quite badly, as instantly I was reminded of all the times men in my life had said those words in my past, and how badly that went. It also didn’t make sense to me that he would want to do that, as he had acted so much like a partner/boyfriend the last month or so it seemed to me that’s what he wanted with me.

You are right, it seems that he is the one that was pushing me away by dating others. At first, I told him I was okay with him going on other dates (he said he wouldn’t kiss let alone sleep with others), but when he brought it up more than once, I think this is when I became cold towards him. To me, it didn’t make sense that was what he wanted yet in so many ways it seemed to me his actions were making it clear that he wanted to build a relationship with me.

I suppose it seems like I’m the one that misbehaved because we were not yet “boyfriend/girlfriend” official, but I believed we were exclusive. I suppose that was not clear.

To answer your last question, I think you have a point in that I was not okay with him dating others once he had already scheduled a date. If I ever do discuss this with him, I will ask him why it seemed like he was doing things that seemed like he wanted a relationship with me, but also saying he wasn’t ready for this.

I didn’t expect to hear from him, but ironically after I posted this to you, he messaged me saying “Hey there, just checking in, how are you?”. I replied back “Hey, I’m good! Just at the beach, how are you?”

A few hours later he replied simply “Nice, I’m taking it pretty easy.” and then sent me a link to a funny video. I am not sure what he is trying to do with this contact, if he is just trying to be “friends” with me, or if he is trying to reignite what we had before.

L