Dear Limbikanimaria:

“should I take a step back from dating until I have been ‘recovered’ for an extended period of time? Or, should I continue trying to date as an active struggler of bulimia”?

I struggled myself, terribly from restricting, bingeing and excessive exercise for years. Here is my answer: if your bulimia at this point is far from being at its worst, do start dating for the purpose of “a healthy long term partnership with someone”.

There is no point where the eating disorder is stops and your life begins, not in my experience. (Every day I still feel distress when it comes to food, even though I am not binging, and even though I didnt injure my body for years because of over-exercising.  If I ever come to a time when I don’t feel distress when eating or about to eat- I will be oh, so very grateful!)

Therefore, I say: if you put dating on hold until such a time that your eating disorder is completely gone, you will never date.

Like you wrote: “even if I took a significant break from dating now, all of the intimacy issues that I left off at would be waiting for me when I re-entered the dating world months or years from now, and would still need to be faced and worked through at that future time”- I agree. And at that future time, because of those returning issues, your anxiety will go up and so will the distress involved in your eating disorder, if not the behavior itself.

Here are my tips for that healthy, long term partnership that you are hoping to have, as a person with an eating disorder:

1. Don’t look up to the man as Mr. Perfect who needs to help you in regard to your eating disorder. The man you will be involved with will have his own struggles. Present yourself to him not as Miss Weak needing help from Mr. Strong, but as an equal, willing to  help and be helped- both.

2. Don’t overwhelm him with your eating disorder thoughts and feelings: he doesn’t need to know every time you are distressed, every time you have a food thought and feeling, you don’t want him becoming uncomfortable with you whenever food is introduced.

Is this helpful to you?

anita