HI Suzanne, I am going to suggest you look into what is called codependency. I like the book, The New Codependency, but there are others. The reason I say this is because you come from a family that seems to have locked into your mother and your own codependency. What we learn growing up is how to live life and when we see dysfunction as a child, we can think this is normal or healthy behaviors. Yes, we can love someone we don’t trust. And the converse, we can trust someone we don’t love. We can love flawed people fully knowing they are flawed but not hiding or avoiding the truth of who they are. It is acceptance of who people are for who they really are. Not hoping or trying to change them. Your dad has some issues, yes he has lived a secret life. You may find out more things and more things. It tends to make us angry that we were lied to but all humans are flawed and this is just how your parents thought was best from their own dysfunction and immaturity. It may not have been right but it was what it was. Your mom allows herself to be controlled by your dad and you have been taught this is love. Control is not love, controlling someone so they can’t drive and can’t have their own bank account is not love. This is part of the reason I mentioned codependence and the book. I think it might possibly give you insight into the questions you ask. All of our parents have flaws as human beings because no human is perfect. All of us have flaws and problems. I believe we forgive to ease our own angst inside of ourselves. If you forgive your dad to give him a pass for his problems, this is okay if you do it for the right reasons. If we do it out of codependency, this can be problematic for us in the years to come. Sometimes simple acceptance that this person is who they are and they have minor or major flaws is helpful in learning to stop focusing on their problems and instead focusing on our own issues and life. Make peace with both your mother’s faults and your dad’s faults and focus on yourself and gaining the emotional wisdom and strength you will need in your own life. I think you should wait to look for a mentor or a boyfriend until you have some of these issues straightened out in your own head. Because otherwise, we tend to chase the same things or relationships that we experienced from our childhood but this time we are aiming to fix the other person because we need this to feel good inside about ourselves. We seek out the issues we have not “Fixed” from childhood within our own emotional base. Your job in my opinion is to work on healing your childhood issues from within yourself and learning about yourself. Finding the maturity and self value to live a healthy, happy life. Not seeking others to give you what you need but to have it within you. Then the others will a compliment to you and a partner, instead of being controlled or staying in a bad relationship out of emotional need even if the relationship is hurtful. I admire you for seeking better and wanting more. Your journey has already begun. Best to you.