Dear Lara:

I will re-write your first paragraph description of your experience in your parents’ home life, as the opposite of what you wrote: my parents, are calm, they pay attention to me, my father does not complain about anything and assures me that this is not the end of the world. They see me and they let me know that they  like what they see; they approve of me and accept me just the way I am. They care and they asked me many questions about my one year experience away from home.

Being trapped in the negative, tense and aggressive place, with nowhere to go, no wonder that in comparison to your parents, your boyfriend seems like a much better option to live with, having treated you “most of the time.. with kindness, gentleness, respect, interest and affection”.

In your original post you wrote that when you moved in with your boyfriend, “he suddenly changed and stopped being the man I  loved. He became cold, preoccupied.. uninterested, would distance himself physically and emotionally”-

– now I wonder: is it possible that you had an unrealistic expectation of him when you moved in with him, expecting him to always be as attentive/affectionate- at all times.. similar to having the same expectation of him now, long distance.. and the moment he is preoccupied with something else and is not attentive, you see it as something terrible (while it is just human nature to not be the same all day, every day, no one is affectionate toward another all the time, everyone gets preoccupied and distracted from time to time)?

anita