Hello Yellow Rose.

Oh, goodness me. What you mentioned was a real wake up call, for me and my mom. Again, I have no idea what my dad has lost that he needs to control us. When you say say “control is abuse,” it sounds so simple and straightforward. But the more I think about about it, the more confusing it becomes. Don’t want to sound dramatic, but it makes you question your entire existence. If we don’t need control, what do we need? Freedom? Independence? I have to admit, I’ve felt inadequate many times. Not sure if it is because of the control or just self esteem in general. I’ve felt I’ve kept giving and giving. Only to feel more and more inadequate. Now that you mention it, I feel no matter what I do, he’ll still be unsatisfied, for whatever reasons.

Thanks for mentioning the author’s name. Will certainly check out her work. Once everything’s over (🦠🤧🤒😷), might one day to a CODA.

So how do you “find our own emotional equilibrium and wellness?” And how do you know when you’ve achieved it?

It’s fine for you to judge. After all, we’re all judgmental! (Ha ha.) It’s obvious he struggles inside. From what, we don’t know. We still all wish he finds some inner peace. He refuses to see a therapist. And yes, only he can fix himself. Still, we he would open up more. It’s normal to feel shame, guilt, etc. Wished he didn’t have to drink to cope with his issues. Yes, wish he’d join the path towards self improvement like everyone on Tiny Buddha. Still, on the bright side, learned so much from writing a post on this forum. 🙂

Will learn more about Al Anon later on. Currently know they’re aligned with CODA.

You know I want to change, for the better. Like everyone, I want to reach “emotional maturity and emotional wellness”. I have to accept that my parents have chosen their paths in life. Have to stop focusing on them and start focusing on me. Hopefully we’ll reach a “good life” (whatever that looks like). I’ll find someone who’ll be my “equal.” Someone not controlling and someone age appropriate. Of course, don’t love yourself TOO much that you’ll end up self absorbed.