Dear Anita,

It’s hard to read this, very hard.

I want to state that feeling “not for you” was never at one point suggested by our mother. The facial expression I hinted at earlier, also did not express disapproval as I remember it, but shock/ startling/ baffling/ not knowing what to do.

I do not remember how it was then, that we left the room. Did she spur us on, or say anthing at all? I don’t recall this. I believe we just left and maybe were already packing up (so to speak) when we heard her coming up the stairs. I also remember now, that Lisa looked embarassed.

At another point in our lives- I think it must have been maximum 2 years after the incident with Lisa, our mother was physically ill (a passing illness). She was lying in the couch in much pain and our dad was seeing a client of his. So me and my brother offered to make her something: rice I believe, for her upset stomach. She didn’t flat-out refuse but asked something in the vein of “you’re sure you’ve got this, boys?”

We insisted and started to boil water. However, as we were still really short it went wrong and we got splashes of semi-boiling water on our faces and necks and arms.

We both hurted a lot but decided to just stay quiet and finish what we were doing. It was not too difficult as our mother had her eyes closed. Then we went to bed (shared bedroom, different beds) and managed, with pain, to sleep through the night. It must have been weekend or holidays.

The following morning we still were in pain of course and our mother was almost recovered and then noticed.a she was very concerned and asked us “but why didn’t you tell me?”

I do not remember how we got the burns healed afterwards, but it was edtablised that they were first degree burns, so perhaps we’d been to a doctor. Anyhow, the wounds healed completely, without any scar tissue.

I wanted to relate this, because while it is perhaps true that she bore a certain emotional dominance over us,  she was in fact concerned about our wellbeing.

But she was emotionally not there when we needed it the most (sexual education e.g. talking to us after the incident with Lisa could’ve made a big difference, seeing that  we were in distress during the years of yelling).