Hi Anita, many thanks for the response!

So when you say:

– here is a possibility, and it is only a possibility, for you to consider, accept or reject: maybe you repeatedly expressed to him that your own parents never did any wrong, that your anxiety and depression had nothing to do with the way you were raised, and you expressed to him otherwise that parents are never to be criticized. So, he didn’t feel safe enough to share with you anything that may be critical of his parents.

The truth is we have both talked about the role our parents played in our dysfunction, as mentioned above, me more than anyone. I’ve always been forthcoming about the difficult relationship I’ve had with my parents and never hidden any of those emotions from him. So the floor was definitely open for that.

I have to say that over the years, he has had quite a breakthrough in terms of dealing with his issues regarding his parents, though again, he never wants to share or delve deeply enough into them. I’ve sometimes overstepped by questioning things he says, does, allows or even tolerates when it comes to his family, and though, again, he hears me out, it’s often extremely uncomfortable for him to introspect on whatever his own feelings are.

I want to say thank you for this:

On the other hand, he never took time off from taking care of his family, or from the expectation that he will be taking care of them (?) which may explain why his mental and emotional health did not improve.

I’ve honestly never thought about it this way, since he always acts as though things are fine, and that he has things under control. Maybe this might be something he has to consider doing….

I wouldn’t call him a people pleaser, but he definitely has trouble saying ‘no’ to the people he loves. He often struggles with this, he always tries to make everyone happy by giving them what they want, while simulatneously trying to find a way to make himself happy and it never works out. He hates letting people down, particularly his mother and father, and he hates the idea of them or anyone he loves thinking of him as a faliure.

After all these years though, I honestly don’t know if he’s capable or even willing to try with any of this.