Dear greenshade:

I am still smiling, having just read how you and your grandfather gardened together and cooked what you had grown, and that he told you bed time stories he made up in which you were a detective and heled catch the bad guys. Still smiling and I never met him. Isn’t it amazing: your grandfather brought a smile to the face of a stranger so many years after his death.

As to your post to me” “they will one day just not exist- their voice, smell, everything will disappear”- again I smile, as something about your grandfather did not disappear, not yet. We all  leave something behind that lives on in other people, and when these other people die, they leave something behind that lives on in other people, and so on, and on. Better pay attention and leave behind something positive in the lives of others.

“it really makes me feel like everything is worthless”- everything is temporary, but what we leave behind in other people is ongoing, it doesn’t disappear as long as humanity lasts.

“I think sometimes feelings of love feel so strong I don’t understand how they can’t top every other natural law”- a profound statement, and true: nothing is more powerful in our individual lives than our emotions, energies-in motion. A desire for someone to be in our lives can be so powerful, that we confuse it with real power.

You shared, and if I understand correctly, 4 years ago you were living with your parents, and you had a permanent job (x) that felt safe to you. Overall you were excited and happy about life during that time. After 2 years of x, you left to do your masters in another country, then came back to x, and to living with your parents, but the job was no longer good for you and didn’t pay enough. You wanted to make more money so to move out of your parents’, so you left and are now working 2 jobs, one of which is rigid and critical and in so  being, it energizes your own rigid and critical voice, and you “feel frozen and unable to work”, and still living with your parents.

“So this is where I am at”- good to be updated as to where you are. I wonder what is next for you. If your grandfather was in your life today, what story do you think he will make up at bedtime, for you?

anita