Dear Laelithia:

I read your post before last, and I think it is a good idea for you to come up with your own rules regarding relationships, such as a timeline:  how many dates before considering having sex with the man, conditions that have to be met before considering sex with a man- concrete rules so to help you through your “obsessive thinking and compulsion to rush (a) relationship”.

You came up with a rule in your post before last: “not to divulge my private dating life to anyone in the beginning”- decide on a specific time for “in the beginning”.

You can’t come up with a scientifically proven correct timeline for this or that. The point is that you need a timelines, you need Specific Relationship Rules that will cover all possibilities. These rules will keep you sane and grounded during the next relationship, be it with the man we are discussing or with another.

“do you believe that this man was possibly relationship quality and my blunders caused a good ship to sail..?”- it may be that he was or is a possibly good partner for you. Your blunders are significant, so they are in the way of you forming a healthy relationship with a suitable man. Your challenge is to evaluate a man over time to figure out if he is suitable for you, and at the same time to follow your Specific Relationship Rules (SRR), rules that can be adjusted and tweaked with experience, so that they serve you better.

You need the SRR so to combat your RROCD, which stands for Rushing Relationship OCD (I just came up with the acronym). Look at the sentence you wrote: “obsessive thinking and compulsion to rush the relationship”- obsession and compulsions are what the O and the C of  OCD are about: Obsessions and Compulsions.

anita