Dear Aum:

You are welcome and thank you for expressing your appreciation.

“I can’t imagine how I can return the favor”- I can imagine and it would mean a lot to me if you do: place your well being as your top priority. Be good to him, but be good to yourself first. If you do that, it will be better for him because a Win-Win relationship is the only way healing is possible for any one of the parties to the relationship. (If you Lose, ultimately, he will too).

“He agreed that he was prone to falling back into old patterns and that if he didn’t make an effort to make better choices for himself, then it would hurt us both and hurt the relationship”-

– Everyone is “prone to falling back into old patterns”, it’s human nature. Many couples, where one person has a serious unhealthy habit, fall into the following pattern: one is the one with the Problems (the one without self control) and the other is the one with the Solutions(the one trying to control  the other). I understand that this is not your relationship pattern, but see to it that you don’t fall  into it. When the two of you talk  about his unhealthy behaviors, share with him yours, tell him how you relate to what he is experiencing.

“the bible says that love is virtuous, but no one ever tells you how difficult it can be and how much work it is sometimes”- well said, love in a relationship does include work, sometimes a lot of work. The part I quoted from the  bible, about love being virtuous etc., that’s a few lines from the bible, but there is plenty in the bible that shows how for many people it is way easier to hate than to love (violence and injustice take a lot of space in the book).

Post again anytime you want to, if you do, and I will be glad to read and reply to you.

anita

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