Dear Megan:

If she is a Win-Lose person in the workplace, and if there is no shortage of people able and willing to work for her, then she is already showing you that she appreciates the quality of your work by keeping you as an employee, but she will not express her appreciation by praising you because (as a strictly Win-Lose person, if she is that), she is afraid that if she praises you, you will think too much of yourself and challenge her power, that is- make a Loser out of her.

If she is strictly a Win-Lose person, then the only way you can get her praise is if you show her consistently, day after day, month after month, that you are inferior to her, always obedient, never questioning, never suggesting anything new to he. Then maybe she will feel safe enough to praise you.

In general, when you are dealing with aggressive and abusive people, understanding their motives, having empathy for their difficult lives, will not help you in your dealings with them, because they are not interested in your understanding or empathy; they are interested in your obedience.

anita

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