Dear Gregory:

Good to read that Christopher Agoth Gregory has a good father.

He asked you questions: “what happened to mom?”, “daddy, did you quarrel with my mother?”- he asks these questions in his own mind at other times too, not just when he is with you. He is upset that his mother is not with him, he is worried about her: why is she not with him.. maybe you fought with her and scared her away.. maybe she is sick, he may be thinking.

You wrote that you kept dodging his questions about his mother because you “didn’t want his to feel disappointed”-  but Gregory, he is already disappointed and has been disappointed every day for a long time, about his mother not being with him.

When he asked you what happened to his mother, you “told him: son, your mom will come anytime”- this is not a good answer because it makes him hope and then get disappointed yet again.

Better tell him something else so that he really does get to feel better long term. Tell him that his mother is okay, that she is healthy, but that she cannot come to see him for a long time, and that for this long time he will be okay because other adults are taking good care of him (continue to make sure that this is true).

Tell him that he is in good hands, that even though his mother is not with him, he is safe and he is loved. Tell him these things in your own words, look into his eyes as you speak to him with a gentle voice and a smile on your face, looking calm and confident.

What do you think about my suggestion?

anita