Ry, I am going to push back that I think you wanted something from this woman, or want something from this woman, that is not there within her personality to give to you. So yes, this is on us when we assume or when we hope that the person we pick is more mature, more this or that, than they are. We tend to ignore reality and we build up big false narratives in our heads. Now you are shocked that she only calls when she needs something. And you allow her to take up your time because it feels good in the moment and then when you guys hang up and it is silent from her, you feel awful. You want her to be someone she can’t be is my point. Now your choice is to stay hooked and stuck or decide to revise your perspective.

It may sound like I am blaming you but I don’t. Our only hope is to learn from these people and situations. How can we grow and gain our own maturity and internal strength if we don’t have these situations. But if we keep living in denial, then we don’t learn.  You wrote: as she once said to me, “I’ve learned to protect myself and rebuild my walls once I start seeing red flags.” She said this loud and clear that she sees red flags in you or in your relationship. We have to get to the point of believing people when they tell us who they are and now they are. The struggle is learning to accept and let go. Until you accept and let go, there is not room in your heart for another woman because your focus is on her. And as long as your focus is on HER, you can’t change yourself for the things that need changing so that you can create a happy life. And it seems like she still keeps you on the hook, she doesn’t want you as a lover, but she calls you when she needs something. It feels like perhaps she is using you? But I don’t know, I just go by what you write. And this makes you so miserable and unhappy so it feels “wrong” to me. My goal here is to have you value yourself as much as I see your value. I want you to get out of the misery and embrace life again.