Anita,

Thank you so much for your time in responding, and also to make me aware of the etiquette in forum posts – I hadn’t thought that through.

Your words have been very helpful to me, and have prompted more questions in my analytical brain.

1.The Lion. It may or may not be this. When I was 1 year old I was hospitalised with a strain of meningitis. I believe I was in the hospital for about a week. With this being the mid seventies, there weren’t the parent/child facilities there are now, and visiting hours were strict. My mother has mentioned this on a few occasions, and I think she perhaps feels some guilt or sadness still about this. Also it must have been a very traumatic time for her.

Are there particular age ranges when a child is developing that make them more susceptible to forming negative associations, and carrying these through to adulthood?

2.I imagine that pretty much every child will have had some sort of experience of feeling alone and afraid. Parents are human after all. So I wonder why for some people this would cause later issues and not for others?

3.Why would this feeling transfer to a romantic relationship, and, to my embarrassment, even to a previous relationship that only had a handful of dates? I don’t associate these people with a parent figure.

4.Can the trigger be prevented from going off? (Without having to resort to no romantic connections, which is an option!)

5.Emotional regulation skills. Do you have any advice on developing these? And can that be done in the absence of the stimulus, or only when triggered and hysterical?

Thank you also for your comments on my partner’s emotional motivations. It is good to be reminded that she too is fallible, and we are all in this together.

Wishing you a happy and healthy day,

Moomin