I feel a very sick and twisted bond with my mother that makes me ill. What you say makes sense. Though the thought of her and thoughts of my childhood trigger me, I still find myself looking at her pictures or digging through old texts or emails. I am mostly just very confused and looking for answers and I am mourning a relationship that never existed. I also still question myself. It sounds like you have probably felt all of these things. I am very sorry she hurt you. No child deserves to be abused. A mother is supposed to love you unconditionally and be the one person who will support you and be there for you no matter what.

I don’t understand why mother’s, women, people, why or how anyone could harm their child, but especially a mother. I know you are right. I know you are right about “there is no immunity of a daughter to her mother’s toxic behavior” and that “it takes a long healing process to remove that toxicity from one’s brain.” It hasn’t even been a year for me. Take your time responding, but if you want to share anything more about your story, please do. I have a very long journey ahead and I appreciate the support. I will probably step away for the evening after this, but I very much look forward to reading your next post. Thank you-Carrie