Dear Katie:

My Thanksgiving was the calmest Thanksgiving I ever had and the food was delicious. Good to read back from you today. Good to read that your kids and you didn’t stray too far from each other, staying close, and that no  one mentioned “bf”, that “it wasn’t important for them on that day” because, after all, he “was not family”.

You shared that you had a lump in your throat when your niece talked about how there is so much room in her king-size bed that when her fiancé moves on one side, she doesn’t feel him move; you remembered how you and “bf” slept holding each other”, even though there was plenty of room on your twin-bed.

“bf” contacted you the day after Thanksgiving asking if your mother “wondered why he wasn’t there”. You told your mother about his question and she said, “my answer would be ‘grow up'”- I share your mother’s sentiment. “bf” seems self-centered, it’s all about him: did anyone talk about me, was his question, kind of.

“bf” is not what you imagined he was when the two of you slept so close, holding each other, all-loving, all.. yours, so to speak. He is self-centered and quite selfish, I say.

When you have a memory/ an image of love with him- add to that image the image of him as a self-centered, selfish man who indeed needs to grow up- it may prevent that lump in your throat or dissolve it, if it was already formed. Seeing more of reality makes us mentally healthier.

anita