Dear Katie:

Your mother loved him for as long as she could see that he benefited you, that he was good for you. Now she is angry at him because he is no longer benefiting you, in fact, he is harming you.

You wrote that your father, who “had a protective way about him and was quite a force to reckon with”, would have told “bf” that “he should man up and stop being a child”-

– I know this is a figurative language, saying that “bf”, a grow man of almost 60 (if I remember correctly) is a child, and should “grow up”, as your mother said, but let’s look a bit deeper at this:

referring to a man as a child who should grow up, suggests that he is an innocent child, harmless, silly and all it takes is some maturity for him to do what’s right. But “bf” is not more innocent than he is a child. And he is harmful to you. See my  point?

anita