Dear James:

You shared that you suffered from “abandonment issues from childhood” that drove you “to the point of nearing suicide 4-5 months ago”. These abandonment issues caused you to “emotionally detach and not be present with my wife for years, and to a point, our three children as well”. That left your wife of 17 years “having to do so many things by herself”. When you were at your worst, you told her that you “did not love her”.

Since that time you experienced significant understanding and emotional healing, and you “feel like a completely new person”. You realize that you indeed love your wife, and that you are able to give yourself 100% to your wife and children.

But your wife has been feeling nothing towards you “but a numbness.. often she does not even want to look at me, let alone talk, as she wants space.. She does not want me to even touch her, let alone kiss her”, but she did tell you that she loves you. She doesn’t know if she wants you in her life, and for months “has not gotten closer to am answer”, even though the two of you started seeing a counselor together.

“living in this land of no clarity and unable to tell me she wants me is devastating me inside.. I feel like I am dying without my best friend”-

– My input: you refer to your wife as your best friend, “she is my best friend”, you wrote in your second sentence. But there really is no friendship at this point. Maybe you can start a friendship with her. What I am suggesting is that you take a from-the-beginning approach. Start a new friendship with her.

You “feel like a completely new person”. A completely new and healthier person has to start a completely new and healthier friendship with his wife, and new healthier relationships with his children.

anita