Dear Mountain Lady:

You shared that you have two sisters. Every three or four years, one or both of them emailed you “out of the blue to criticize something” that they felt you did wrong, or to condemn your supposed bad attitude, or the way you handled basic life choices. Some of their emails were “quite condemning.. no discussion, no hint ahead of time”.

Currently, one of your sisters, the youngest, lives far from you, in California, and your older sister lives in the same town as you do. Eight weeks ago, at 62, you got married. Nine months before the wedding (about January 2020), you and your fiancé provided a 9 months notice to family and friends regarding the date and location of the venue, letting them know that their accommodations for two nights, meals and cocktails at the location will be paid by the two of you, as a gift to them.

Covid happened and because of it, you had fewer guests in your wedding, which took place three hours away from your town. Eighteen guests, ages 34 to 70s, traveled anywhere from 3 to 10 hours to arrive to the venue. Your two sisters did not attend your wedding. Your younger sister from California called you two months before the wedding (about July or August) to tell you that, “she was nervous to fly and go thru airports due to Covid fears”. You graciously accepted her decision not to attend.

A month later, your older sister who lives in your town called and “listed about 4 reasons why Covid precautions would prevent her from attending”. You are upset with her choice because she “goes to restaurants and the gym”, but wouldn’t go to your wedding only three hours away, a wedding that included an outdoor ceremony and a socially distanced indoor sitting.

“I’m still hurt by my older sister’s nonattendance at my wedding. I am ready to sever our relationship for good.. I would like your opinions”-

First: CONGRATULATIONS!

Second, my opinion: I think that it is fine that you severe your relationship with your older sister for good. I think that it is morally and ethically okay for you to do so.

I suggest that if you decide to implement this decision, plan it in detail before you implement it. Plan what you will say/ communicate to your older sister, what you will communicate to your younger sister on the matter, to other family members and friends who are in contact with you and with your older sister, etc. This will make the implementation of your decision easier/ smoother.

anita