Dear Leanne:

Second post is about you being lost: “I dated a super toxic/ jealous guy for 5 years… I was in nursing school but was lost. I’m always somewhat lost.. mama’s an alcoholic and my dad was physically/ verbally abusive. I got cancer at 21. I have serious codependency problems and fear of being alone especially after near death. I would cry about wanting to just run. He came down and made me feel extremely loved, nothing like I’ve ever experienced before”-

– my understanding (and please correct it where it needs correcting): when a person grows up with too much fear and too little love (ex., an alcoholic mother and an abusive father), the person will take anything she can get when it comes to what feels like love and safety.

There was a little love in that five years “super toxic” relationship, but you took it and endured the toxicity because, in comparison, it was.. better than what you had before as a child.

Everything in comparison to a scary, loveless childhood feels especially loving and safe (he “made me feel extremely loved.. he is like a safe haven“).. for a while.

When a child is alone, lonely and scared for too long, a craving is born, a desperate need to never be alone again, and the company of almost anyone.. feels better than being alone.

In that desperation and lack of safety/ being lost- you probably didn’t see that who you refer to as “Mama’s Boy” is quite unwell.

You wrote: “I don’t want to be away from my family anymore”- make sure that the family members you are living with, or close to, are not keeping you scared and lost, like family has done to you before.

I think that nursing school, or some other practical education for a future career is worth your investment, and I  know from personal experience that it is possible, after all, to find true love even after a miserable childhood.

anita