Dear anita,

I have not been very successful in my meditation tries. I think because I am in a period of exhaustion, which usually happens to me after a period of anxiety in which it is really hard to sleep. So, now I just want to sleep all time, so I fail when trying to meditate at night, and in the morning it is really hard to get up, and when I do it it is just on time for my first meeting of the morning, which is funny, because I wish I can wake up to meditate. I have meditated before, and I think the morning is the best time for me.

Starting tomorrow I will have some time off from work, so hopefully I can have a better opportunity to recover and start over.

One more thing that happened is that las weekend I was very anxious, like wanting to talk/chat with people and I went through my contact list I did chat with friends I had not been in contact for a while, which sounds good but it came from a place of anxiety in which I was really desperate, like wanting attention or something.

Last week I saw this guy N a couple of times, and I am not sure if lately my anxiety is fueled a little by him, perhaps yes…. Now he is out on “vacation”, and he is completely out of contact. Which I do not know why makes me think like I should escape, whatever that means. Which has happened to me before with the guy  J from my last post, back then J traveled a lot for work, when he was out I wanted to get over him, forget about him, because I knew I was not my better self when being around him, I experienced all kind of strong feelings good and bad, which made me feel like crazy…

Thanks for reading

Kay