Dear miyoid:

“I feel like this is a very selfish fear. I don’t think something bad will happen to them. I only care about if they will abandon me or not”- all fears are selfish. Fear is always about oneself dying: either from a real-life dangerous situation, such as when being hit by another car while driving, or from experiencing too much emotional pain.

When we feel emotional pain, we are afraid of feeling more of it, and then more.. until it will be too much to endure. We incorrectly believe that emotional pain in itself can kill us.

“I remember spending some days just crying. I don’t know if all those were sincere. Maybe I like to victimize myself in my head. I’m not sure”- I am quite sure: those cries were sincere and it is not you who victimized yourself. You were a victim of your parents and of circumstances, like so many of us.

The reason crying feels insincere at times, when it is sincere- is because it often happens that while we are crying, at one point, in a split of a second,  we dissociate: we kind of split/ separate from the sadness. When this happens, because it happens so quickly, we notice that we are still crying, or that there are tears in our eyes- but we are not feeling sad. We then feel fake, suspecting that we are pretending or deceiving someone. But reality is: we were sad and then we dissociated.

anita