Hi, Danny!

Happy New Year to you, too! Thank you for the sweet welcome, I am really touched…

I know about the happy-ever-after, but one can dream just a little bit, can’t one? 😉

I would agree with your definition of chemistry. I would say that I “click” with people who can be my friends (and more) – the emotional part – and desire, that is physical attraction (for a partner). Would that fit your definition?

“There is a very very fine line which differentiates a best friend from a lover – that’s sexual desire” – totally agree.

“To become lovers you need to spend more time together, it would not have blossomed into the love we share now if we didn’t work at it.” – agree 100% as well.

Thank you so much for your detailed answer. You see, to cut a long story short, I was betrayed by my “A.”

Then recovering, I had a fantastic date with a guy. He followed up, but not too eagerly, it was a drastic contrast with how well we had clicked (as I thought), chemistry and all. So I never pursued it. Besides, it would have meant long-distance and with another country, too, so I let it drop.

At about the same time, another man showed up. The way you described your dealings with “B” fit 100% the way it was for us. Of course, from my perspective. Talked for hours, exceptional chemistry, witty dialogues, similar feelings about things in life – the list can go on. This man, though, warned me two months into our relationship (I had told myself that I was not going to see him for more than a friend) that he just couldn’t have a serious relationship then (he was separated). He said he could be a very good friend and that’s it.

Because of my fresh breakup with “A” and because of his marital status, I had been proceeding with caution. (Besides, that guy from my travels had also messed me up a tiny bit.) When “B” announced that, I thought, Fine, I haven’t treated you as more than a friend, I am totally okay with it.

Our relationship – I guess you can call it “emotional affair” – continued. With all the sexual tension, chemistry, innuendos here and there, etc.

And then he just stopped communicating. I reached out to him a couple of times, he answered back. But he never asked questions, never elaborated. So I let it be.

That was five and four years ago.

I learnt that he had tried to reconcile with his wife, at her initiative, for the umpteenth time. It didn’t work for the umpteenth time.

Last year, I found out that he had moved out for good having sold his part of the house to her.

Also, last year, he wrote to me “Hi, how are you?”. I thought that he may have wanted to resume our communication, but no. Again, sparks flying between the lines of our short email exchange, but no serious follow-up on his part.

Several months later I found out that he had indeed divorced his wife.

For some reason – and I don’t know what it is – I still think he is the one for me.

I don’t know why. It has been five years (!) since we stopped communicating for real. True, I did get into the habit of checking his Twitter now and then. It gave me the illusion of still being present in his life. I stopped it for good two months ago. Don’t really have the temptation now.

Another reason might be that I simply haven’t met anybody in the course of these five years. I did have a few infatuations with other men, but they were short-lived and one-sided, more like a schoolgirl crushing on her professor or a fan on an actor. I knew that those men were not for me. Either in a loving relationship or clearly stating that they were not looking for romance, not just a romance with me, but intended to remain single.

On the other hand, I have been jokingly approached by much older men (I am 35) or by men for whom I had zero physical attraction, even worse. Some of them wanted a second date, some didn’t, but I never wanted one, so it all ended there.

Hence my question to you about the chemistry.

Firstly, I am wondering why that man hasn’t approached me again, given the incredible chemistry and sparks just sizzling in the air that we had, especially given that he is free now. I just can’t believe that I had imagined it all! I have always been pretty accurate in “getting the feel” from others. And that incredible feeling of bonding and care paired with a little bit of teasing was still there when we exchanged that couple of lines two and half years later last year.

He repeated several times, when we actively communicated and later, that he was a “mess.” Does he still feel he is a mess and, as such, not ready to approach me? Or anybody else, because I know that he hasn’t met anybody new?

It just makes sense for him to do the same thing you did for “B.” Only I know that real life seldom makes sense or resembles a good film or a book…

And secondly, I am wondering why I haven’t met anybody new with whom I would have mutual attraction. It has been five years after all. I haven’t really thought about that man that much in the past year or two. I did feel attraction for others. I do have a few good male friends around me. However, I don’t think they can ever be more than friends because of that lack of sexual attraction. And it is mutual. None of them has ever professed their love for me. It is more like brothers and sister. There are guys who can be very good friends, but whom one never sees as lovers. I am afraid that is my case. Even though they are super nice, decent lads.

Ultimately, I wonder if it is still a matter of time and numbers?

Any ideas are welcome!

And how do you tag somebody on Tiny Buddha?