Dear Laelithia:

No reason to apologize for not posting here regularly, it is okay with me, really!

You shared in your recent post, among other things, that your doctor agreed that your symptoms seem to be aligned with the diagnosis of Bipolar 2, and that right before Christmas, you went on three socially distanced dates with three different men. The date with the third man took place on Dec 20, 2020. By the second or third date, “he has fully committed to” you, and you were elated, having “a special feeling about him.. something about him felt different, right”, you called a friend saying that you may have met your “future husband”!

Soon after that elation, you “felt odd about it.. that it maybe was too soon and perhaps I might regret it”. Next, you found yourself “somewhat panicking about the prospect of this relationship”, shifting from feeling happy for having this  “kind, sweet, caring.. very affectionate, reassuring, thoughtful” man in your life (a 39 year old, previously married for 16 years, one year divorced, a new CEO of a renewable energy company, debt free but with a credit that took a hit to feeling, sexual compatibility questionable), to feeling “terrified/ worried/ scared… terrified at the prospect of settling down long term”, scared that you “may hurt this man deeply”, and that you may hurt yourself by not making the best choice for a mate. You don’t know if the issue is that “he isn’t ‘the one'”, or that it is your “commitment phobia rearing its ugly head”.

“Any insight on your part will be very helpful”- well, no doubt in my mind that your commitment phobia, as you called it, reared its head, as well as other anxieties not related to who this man is, such as your anxiety regarding making the wrong choices and regretting wrong choices.

I suggest that you share with him (if you haven’t already) what I quoted here, you being terrified at times at the prospect of settling down, etc., and let him know that you need more time, and most importantly, more calm time, to to get to know each other better, perhaps as friends for a while (putting on hold the sexual part of the relationship, if that helps with lessening your anxiety).

anita