Dear B and Shattered Pieces,

I am so terribly sorry for your troubles. It’s just unfair what you have been through.

As an Indian woman, I’d like to weigh in my thoughts. We Indians are brought up to worship our parents. We are taught since childhood that your parents must mean the world to you, you are in debt of your parents, it’s a sin to go against your parents, you will be disrespectful to your parents if you do not listen to them, you get my drift… I myself stand up to my mom and feel real guilty later on even though I am right on my part. It’s just how we are brought up.

It’s not just Indian men… Indian women too have broken off relationships because their parents did not or would not have approved of their partners because they are from a different caste or religion. God I hope to live to see the day this view just vanishes. It is a lot better than before though, we are getting there slowly, but there still needs to be a lot of change.

That being said, I would be making excuses for and enabling your ex-partners if I said this is what you need to understand about our culture. No. Both of you had the misfortune of meeting weak men who just lacked character and emotional maturity and seemed to use you to get out of their troubles. They conveniently thought of you when they needed help. It all just became about them, isn’t it? Their debts, their troubles, their mental health, their feelings… This has nothing to do with culture or religion. This has to do with who they are as people. I may be wrong but I would go so far as to say they even used their culture as an excuse for their behaviors. I have many friends who simply did not get into relationships because they knew their parents wouldn’t approve and they would have to get into an arranged marriage. I also have friends who fell in love and stood up for their partners, marrying them eventually and having beautiful families.

If you treat people like crap because you are stressed out, we have a huge problem, buddy. Troubles don’t end, do they? If you got married, would you be able to rely on such a person? What happens when you are the one who needs looking after for a change?

B, I know it hurts. It hurts bad. But you are being so strong by realizing that you are better off and your own self and your daughters are much more important than a guy. If he frowned upon the fact that you are a strong woman who can take care of herself and his stupid self as well, you don’t need that kind of negativity in life, now do you? As for his parents and his future partners, they will believe what he tells them. If he speaks badly of you, that speaks nothing of you but speaks spades about him. You know who you are and you know who he is. That settles it. You are not just a “White girl with 2 kids”. That is just a part of your life, and it’s not even bad,  and you are so much more than that and you know it. You are going to be someone your daughters look up to. Don’t you ever let a stupid insecure man spoil that. As the daughter of a single mom, I can’t tell you how much my mama’s strength inspires me. After my daddy passed, she took on all the problems and punched them right in the face. People talked crap about her as well, some relatives even, just because she makes a lot more money than them and does not need anyone. People talk, no matter what you do. So then well… Hell with them.

I’m sorry you hurt… and I hope the pain doesn’t last much…

Feel better…