Dear Joe:

You are welcome. You wrote about the relationship with M: “she supported me. She took away the pain.. I know I became emotionally dependent on her… We vented our frustrations. It was a two way thing. But looking back I know it wasn’t healthy. But it built trust between us and gave us some common ground”-

– a relationship that is a two way thing, built on trust and common ground with a woman who supports you and takes a way your pain, with whom you can vent your frustration (what you stated above) is a healthy relationship.

Yet, you refer to the relationship as unhealthy. It is my impression that you think that having been emotionally dependent on her meant that the relationship was unhealthy. But emotional dependence on one’s intimate partner is an intrinsic, natural part of a healthy relationship.

You wrote about M earlier: “she was depending on me for her happiness… I was naïve enough to start something with somebody more broken than I am”- seems to me that you view emotional dependence  in the context of an intimate relationship as brokenness.

Brokenness happens when a person you are emotionally dependent on betrays you and breaks your heart, but if you are fortunate enough to be emotionally dependent on a woman you can and should trust- your quality of life greatly improves.

anita