Dear Michelle:

“Even with the guidance of a therapist, I still need to be the one to do the work… Mental health and mental health discoveries I see as a journey, not a destination”- the idea behind quality psychotherapy is that there is a relationship between client and therapist, and within that relationship of care and trust, the therapist walks with you the beginning part of your journey.

You wrote earlier yesterday, “maybe I shouldn’t go sharing everything in the internet and I’m inviting the over dissection of things by strangers“- a therapist you meet in-person, and with whom you build a relationship of care and trust, will not be a stranger: a therapist truly helps a client within the relationship she/ he has with the client.

“This medium has been extremely helpful”- then please continue to use it, continue to post any time you want to, for as long as you find it helpful. Because there is more than one member replying to you, I don’t want to reply to a post you submit for another member, or with another member in mind. Therefore, if you want me to reply to a particular post, please mention my name on that particular post.

Regarding The Voice: you shared that you trust a voice/ strong conviction in you that “sometimes defies logic and psychology etc. Just a simple voice telling me that something will transpire or that words don’t feel true”. You gave an example of that voice in regard to a previous relationship: a man you lived in told you that he didn’t love you and wanted to separate, your “sort of voice” said “he was lost and.. he would come back” and you then very calm. The ex boyfriend was adamant about separating from you, but so was your voice (“He was adamant but so was my voice”). A month or two later, he indeed came back to you and you were together for 2.5 more years.

In regard to the current man, you wrote that you want to take his words on face value, but that “simple voice telling me that something will transpire or that words don’t feel true”.

You also wrote: “I’ve been through too many relationships that were not right”- isn’t this evidence that the simple voice you shared about did not serve you well so far, in regard to relationships with men, including regarding the man who returned to you, but only for 2.5 more years, not for a lifetime?

Regarding the current relationship: you shared yesterday that he left his computer open and you saw that he’s been looking into therapy online, “So maybe there is hope.. Maybe he’s been considering it more since our discussion”, and you wrote regarding the relationship with him: “there have been so many moments of true joy and love… If I were to bet money on this relationship I’d probably bet a good amount, because my overall feeling about it has been good, my experience of it is good, but there are moments where he has doubt and this creates anxiety for me”-

– you definitely answered the question stated in the title of your thread: “is there hope?”- you feel that there is hope, enough for you to bet money on it, enough for you to have a good overall feeling and experience of this relationship and you are adamant about continuing the relationship. The only problem you have in regard to this relationship are the “moments where he has doubt and this creates anxiety” for you.

My suggestion: any time you experience anxiety about his doubts/the relationship, post here, in a journal/ diary sort of way. Expressing yourself will probably make you feel better. Maybe you are not interested in other members’ insights or analyses, maybe what you want instead is to be listened to, your words being read, that is. Is this the case?

anita