Dear ninibee:

I’ll keep this post as simple as I can make it. Here is a sentence from Scientific American, above: “One of the things infants learn early in life is that their actions affect others’ responses- they sense that they’re active agents in their environment”-

– an active agent, aka having an internal locus of control, means that you believe that you can improve your life by taking action, that you have control over the outcome of events in your life, that your life is controlled by you, to a significant extent.

On the other hand, a passive agent, aka having an external locus of control, means that you believe that you cannot improve your life no matter what actions you take, that you have no control over the outcomes of events in your life, that your life is controlled by outside factors (which you have no control over).

Learned helplessness is a mental state where (1) a person is in an undesirable life situation, (2) it is possible for the person to do something to improve the undesirable life situation, but (3) she doesn’t even try because, so the thinking goes: what would be the point, it won’t make a difference no matter what I do or how hard I try.

Learned helplessness is “a state of deep passivity with lack of motivation, cognitive deficit and depression” (the free dictionary. com)-

Being a passive agent and suffering from learned helplessness fits very well in what you described November 1, 2019: “Overall, I do nothing.. I have a lot of resistance toward doing my schoolwork… Most days, I don’t do any class work at all…  I just lie around in bed… My apartment is trash. I have empty boxes, trash, dishes, clothes all pile up… I have been this way as long as I can remember… I know other people my age.. work, do school full time, and still get out and have a social life. I just don’t want to do any of it, it seems too hard”-

– I don’t have a vision into your past, but I imagine this: as a baby, you cried, smiled, held your hands up for your mother to pick you up, expressed your baby emotions and needs, but she did not adequately respond to you, instead,  she fed you and changed you, as quickly as possible, with minimum contact.

She didn’t return your smile, she didn’t talk to you in that baby talk kind of way, didn’t sing lullabies to you, didn’t hold you just so to enjoy having you in her arms- she was a neutral mother at best (not responsive), annoyed and uncomfortable at worst (responded negatively).

When she was neutral, you learned that you are a passive agent, meaning that your mother’s behavior had nothing to do with your emotions and needs, that what you felt and needed made no difference in what happened to you. This may have been the origin of your learned helplessness.

Fast forward to Nov 1, 2019: what’s the point in doing school work, what’s the point in clearing your apartment from empty boxes and trash…  in working or doing school full time or going out and have a social life.. none of it will make a difference, nothing matters!

That belief that nothing matters/ nothing will make a difference, includes lack of motivation and great distress over (1) being stuck in an undesirable situation, (2) knowing what action will get you out of the undesirable situation, witnessing others taking such actions, and yet feeling unable to take those actions yourself, (3) feeling that there is something terribly wrong with you for not taking the actions needed to be taken: “I really feel so stuck. I am scared, heartbroken, unsure. What’s wrong with me? Why am I this way?”

– Are the answers to what’s-wrong-with-me in this post?

anita