Dear Anna:

You shared that you (26) have been in a 1.5-years relationship with your boyfriend (23), a relationship with “a lot of up and downs”, including times when he tired to withdraw from you and from his studies because “he didn’t feel like it”. Recently he was diagnosed with depression and has been on medication for the last 3 weeks. H is still withdrawn from “everything and everyone”, including you. It feels to you like he doesn’t see or hear you, that he is stuck in his depression, and you are feeling exhausted and unhappy.

You wrote regarding the depression vs him: “when he tried to withdraw.. from me.. it was the illness speaking… I can’t make the difference anymore between what he really feels for me and when the depression talks for him”-

– his depression is not an entity that is separate from him. It is not like an outside spirit enters him and takes over, canceling who he was before. His depression is only part of who he currently is. Think of it, if you will, this way: there are men who are not depressed and yet, they withdraw from their girlfriends as well,  for a variety of other reasons. Your boyfriend, although depressed, may have more than one reason (depression) for withdrawing from you.

You wrote that he lives with his parents. If you share some of what you know about his relationships with his parents, past and present, it may help me get a clue about one or more other reasons for his withdrawal.

anita