Dear Philippa:

You shared that his mother doesn’t seem to know how to emotionally support her son (your boyfriend), and that he indeed thinks that she behaves selfishly.

“he does seem to think that she behaves selfishly, which, although she’s not my mom so I hesitate to make any judgements… I don’t exactly know what to do  with all this information though”-

– one thing you can do with this information is to stand by your boyfriend’s judgment that his mother has been selfish. Young children are not mistaken about who their parents are. Young children’s perceptions are accurate because they do not project anyone into their parents, they see their parents for who they truly are.

So, instead of telling your boyfriend that you hesitate to make a judgment about his mother/ instead of expressing doubt in his childhood (and ongoing) experience with his mother, support him emotionally by expressing your full trust in his experience of his mother.

anita