Dear surfthesky:

You shared that after graduating high school, you moved to a bigger city and started studying biology, but felt that it wasn’t the right fit for you, or maybe it was just that you weren’t “ready for all of it”. Now, at 21, you are on your fourth semester, and you don’t know what you want to study instead of biology, “can’t seem to decide”, keep “searching for the ‘perfect thing'”, the perfect thing that will make you “super successful”, approved of or envied by former high school peers and past teachers.

You asked:  “Why is the need to prove someone something so big?”- I am guessing that as a child, the approval/ love that was expressed for you was not enough, so you developed a strong need for approval and love. You tried in small child-like ways to make the parent approve of you, and love you more, but your efforts failed, so you figured that you have to do something “so big” to gain the approval and  love that you needed so badly.

You wrote: “It’s the wanting so much and achieving nothing”- we are born to want love, to want to be approved of and valued by the first, most important people in our lives: our parent or parents (whomever the adult or adults that take care of us most).

When our need for love is “so  big”, and our want for love is “so much”, it is because the love we received as children was too little.

I would like to try to answer your other questions, but will need to read your response to what I wrote so far.

anita