Dear Dandan:

You shared that you are a software developer working since 2014, currently working in Bangalore, India. You’ve had a huge interest in working in a European country, particularly Germany, “to go out to get the international work experience.. be independent in a different country. Living by choice and freedom”.

In February 2019 you interviewed for tech jobs in the Netherlands, Austria, Germany & Singapore. In the beginning of 2020, you received an offer with a decent package from a good German company in Munich. It was also the beginning of the pandemic. You were too afraid to leave your comfort zone behind, thinking about the negatives, afraid to be lonely in Munich, and you rejected the offer. You regretted having done so immediately.

You spent the lockdown after March 2020 with your family, in your home town, and kept regretting the missed opportunity. You then interviewed again and in July 2020, while under lockdown, “staying at home for months not being able to step out”, you received an offer with a decent package, to work in Dusseldorf, Germany.

You got scared again, “thinking and overthinking.. everything becomes negative”. You sent an email accepting the offer, but immediately after sending the email, you “started panicking so badly.. couldn’t sleep”, scared of getting lonely in Germany. After 3 hours of sleep, one morning at 6 am, “walking and discussing with my family like a mad person”, you sent an email rejecting the offer, saying that something came up. Two days later, you regretted the rejection, and you are still haunted by that missed opportunity.

Still living with your family in your  hometown, you interviewed for jobs in Canada and in Bangalore. You received a job with a decent salary in Bangalore, almost double the package you received before. But you are not satisfied with “the same home. Same mentality”, and you are considering a career in dancing, acting, or be an entrepreneur.

My input: what stopped you from accepting the two offers in Germany was fear. Fear is a powerful emotion that should not be underestimated. If you try again to interview for jobs in Germany, or elsewhere outside of India, you have to have a plan designed to manage fear. With a plan, you will not be surprised by fear or clueless as to what to do about it.

One way to manage fear is to connect with other people, have a social support network. If you work outside of India, you would be an expat, short for expatriate, which means a person residing in a country other than their native country. In common usage, the term refers to professionals, skilled workers, or artists taking positions outside their home country, either independently or sent abroad by their employers.

If you do consider going to a city abroad as an expat, consider contacting the community of Indian expats in that city before and while interviewing- it may ease your fear of being alone and lonely abroad. InterNations can connect you with expats in 420 cities worldwide. InterNations Munich  includes, so I read: “a vibrant circle of Indian expats, coming from New Delhi, Chennai, Mumbai and all regions of India” (internations. org/ Indian expats in Munich).

In 2009, the German government estimated that there were more than 110 thousands people of Indian descent residing in Germany, more than 43 thousands of them held an Indian passport, while more than 67 thousands held a German passport. (Wikipedia).

You shared that your motivation to work abroad has been to “be independent in a different country. Living by choice and freedom“, and that you are unsatisfied working in Bangalore because it is “the same home. Same mentality”-

– if you want to explore your fear and motivations further, you are welcome to tell me about your history of growing up emotionally dependent on your parents (how it was and how it is), without enough choice and freedom perhaps, as well as what you mean by “same home. Same mentality”.

anita