Hi Teak,

Thank you also for your reply, your words are eternally helpful and thank you for listening.

You are completely right with your comments, it sometimes just needs someone to say it back to us to really understand the situation. I was terrified of another confrontation, but like I mentioned in my reply to Anita, I actually brought up the subject the other day with my concerns for the relationship, which I was met with less hurtful comments, but with a suggestion to live separately to try to resolve issues.

You are right, the fear of being on my own is definitely a theme for me, I had a difficult time with a divorced mum and dad as a kid – a mother who was very comforting and loving, and a father who was very distant emotionally and tough on me – I feel that may have taught me some lessons about attaching to people who care about me and trying not to leave them. You are right that I believe those things that she said to me, that I “won’t find someone who loves me like that” or that “I won’t be able to manage on my own”. But I have stronger and stronger feelings that I want to trust myself, and understand that it will be hard but I need to do this for me, and believe in myself.

When she mentioned living apart, it makes me feel less anxious that she wouldn’t have anywhere to live, as it’s clear we both would find somewhere. But I approach two of my best friends who have a spare room across town, but they aren’t willing to let me sleep in it for 6 weeks or so (as I have a flat that I’ve bought, that should hopefully be good to go in the next couple of months). But this just plays on the theme or feeling lost and lonely, that my best friends wouldn’t help me out temporarily. But I know I shouldn’t take it so personally.

Sorry for ranting on, but your replies and your thoughts are so so helpful. Thank you