Hi Anita and Teak,

As you both have so kindly mentioned, I’ve done a lot of thinking about the reasons for my inner turbulence regarding the situation I am in, and I have taken some time before replying to really try and get to know myself and understand myself. The things you have mentioned from your objective point of view have been so valuable. It really does make a lot of sense that my relationship with my mother and my father at a young age has influenced my relationships with not only myself, but my partners as an adult. I have been speaking with a counsellor which has also helped, and I have shared some of the things we have talked about on this thread, he agrees that this would make a lot of sense.

My ongoing fears of loneliness and making the caregiving females in my life unhappy or sad have given me many things to work on. I have been meditating, practicing mindfulness in everyday tasks and have tried to cultivate a strong and encouraging relationship with myself. These things have really helped, as well as trying to nurture the inner child in me, who had so much fear. I actually continued to speak honestly with my partner, and a week ago, we did break up. We are, however, still living in the same house, and although this has some difficulties, we are amicable and are trying to cause one another the least amount of stress in the process, whilst we decide on our future living arrangements.

It is clear now, that my fears – of both my own loneliness and upsetting someone I care about – were definitely over exaggerated, it may be a cliche, but things weren’t as bad as I predicted them to be. Yes, it is sad and we are both in the process of grieving a relationship that we both learned so much from, and grew as people in. But I do not have any doubts, and there is a positive option of us being friends in the future, as we have both expressed that we have a lot of admiration and care for each other, but I appreciate that this is down to circumstances, and if it is too difficult for one or both of us, then that is that.

Overall I am feeling positive about the future, hopeful, yet grieving the loss, but with plans going forward, I feel stronger and more resiliant. I have comforted the inner child in me and cultivated the things in my life, like friends, hobbies, exercise, that make me feel content and positive.

I wanted to truly thank both of you for your help in this difficult time, your insight, empathy and understanding has truly made me feel understood and so thankful that there are people like you out there. I understand that there may be ups and downs in the coming months, so I say that I may again reach out, but I completely understand if you do not have the time or space if that happens, to respond.

My unending thanks and love.

Dave