Dear Roro:

You are welcome. I suggest that you plan to meet with her in a location that is quiet enough for the two of you to be heard by each other, a location without much distractions, and at a time when neither one of you is in a hurry.

Prepare for the meeting by typing what you intend to tell her. If you want, you can post it here and I will give you my advice on whether you should say more about one topic and less about another, etc. Be aware that even though you have a lot of feelings and a lot to say, she may not have the ability to hear too much about your feelings, as she may get uncomfortable and maybe overwhelmed. So, better use fewer words than too many words.

Also, during the meeting, you (1) may be too emotional and forget what you planned to tell her.. so maybe (?) it is a good idea to give her a typed paper with what you want to tell her, or read it to her when you meet her, and/ or (2) you may be too emotional and not pay attention to her responses (facial expressions and words) to what you share with her-

– this is why I suggest that you tell her that you would like to meet her for let’s say 20 minutes first time, and then a second time and maybe a third, so that each time is not too long, and during a second and third time, you will have the opportunity to bring up things you forgot to bring up in the first meeting, or things that you thought about after the first meeting.

“I want to find out what she thinks about me and whether she has had similar thoughts and feelings in the past”- she may feel uncomfortable answering this right-there-and-then, not being prepared for the questions. She may feel too distressed or confused to even think clearly. So, you can ask her one simple question and let her know that she can answer you in a second meeting, or in writing if she so prefers.

“Do you think there is anything else that might be important to discuss?”- not at this point. Discussing anything else will depend on what happens in the first meeting (or the second).

“Even though I do love her and care very deeply about her I’m unsure whether I would like a relationship with her. This doubt feels odd as I have incredibly strong feelings for her. We had a very very good friendship and were very respectful and kind to each other so I don’t know where this doubt comes from”- you being unsure and having doubts is a very common emotional experience, wanting something and being afraid of it at the same time. On one hand, you intensely want to be in a romantic relationship with her, and on the other hand, you are afraid, thinking things like: what if it doesn’t work out.. what if she doesn’t like me.. what if I do something that turns her off.. what if she stops liking me, etc.

anita