Dear Bonni-mor’s sister:

“He understood that I didn’t want us to be in a LDR again and that I wanted to pursue this personal goal subject to him being able to go with me. If either of us were not accepted, we would not go“-

– The part I italicized means that you and him had an agreement, a verbal contract: that either the two of you study abroad together, or none of you do. In other words, the agreement was that the two of you remain in a close-proximity relationship.

“He is now  actively pursuing going without me and I feel betrayed by that”- you really are being betrayed.

“I am unable to be a supportive girlfriend right now”- it is not appropriate for a girlfriend to support a man while he is in the process of betraying her.

“Am I being unsupportive?”- yes, you are being unsupportive of the man who is betraying you while he is busy betraying you.

“how do I communicate this to him without giving him an ultimatum, because I genuinely cannot experience another LDR”- I suggest that you express and explain to him that he is in the process of betraying the verbal contract he has made with you, and that by doing so, he is in the process of betraying you. Then wait for his response, or ask for it. Don’t respond to his response. Instead, let me know how he responds, and we can take it from there.

anita