Hi Peggy,

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

You make a good point about the reality of a job is often different than what is described in the interview. I had that experience with my last fulltime job. The interview made it sound great. There were a lot of things conveyed that had me excited. I spent 5 years at that job and next to nothing that was conveyed within the interview materialized. It was quite frustrating. I am guessing the opposite could happen as well. That is, a job might not sound very appealing in the interview but turn out to be great. The particular job I interviewed for is an entirely new position.

I have been out of the fulltime workforce for almost 9 years. I worked 20 – 30 hours a week as a graduate assistant and eventually a graduate intern while pursuing my phd. I was responsible for some sizable projects and initiatives while I was a student. However, it has been a long time since I had a fulltime job. Although my phd often felt like a fulltime job in and of itself. When I did work fulltime I had a tendency to become all about work to a point where it negatively affected me. I am worried about that happening again, especially if it is a job I do not even enjoy. That worry is compounded by the fact that I do not really know what I want to do. Eventually I will need to get over my fears and just do something.

Regarding my meditating, I usually meditate using the app Insight Timer. I have been considering practicing with mantras or affirmations. I am trying to live in the “now”, but am struggling to do so.

Regarding my knowing myself at a deep level, that is something I have been striving for over the years. At times I feel like I have made significant progress. But then depression and anxiety come rushing back in like this past week or like last January and I feel like I take a giant step back. Uuuuugggghhhh. What is frustrating is I have gotten back to a “good” place numerous times in my life. But when depression and anxiety hits this hard it is like I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel. One day at a time I guess.

Again, thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply.

Richard