Dear Sofioula:

“One day he broke down in tears, out of the blue, because he said that I’m too much of a good and kind person so he is terrified of ever hurting my feelings. This happiness continued on for 7 more days…(until) the evening/night of the 27th when the ‘incident’ happened, he became colder and he progresses to being more and more distant”-

– “he was happy, warm, super romantic” on the first and second dates, June 18-19. But on the third date, June 20th, he broke down in tears, saying that you are too good and kind, and that he was terrified of hurting your feelings. You overlooked that incident, continuing to be happy for 7 more days, while he continued to be “happy, warm, super romantic”, until on June 27, he wanted you to perform a certain sexual act on him and you kindly refused with an honest and reasonable explanation as to why. Following that incident of 10 days ago, he grew colder and colder, more and more distant and apathetic toward you. Today you called him, asking if he has plans for tomorrow, he said no; you then asked to see him tomorrow, and he said “we will see”.

My best guess is that on the 3rd and 4rth times you saw him at work, when you “started being friendly with him”, and then “initiated being more playful and flirty”- he perceived your behavior as an invitation to have sex with him. He caught up on the perceived invitation instantly, and started saying words that will make you want to have sex happen sooner than later (“he caught up on it instantly and he started making remarks about us in the future, dating etc.”.

Next, he asked you for a date, and acted “happy, warm, super romantic” during the first two dates, happy (anticipating sex), romantic (so to make it happen soon). On the third date, he broke down into tears, (maybe because he felt guilty about your feelings getting hurt when you discover that he didn’t mean to have more than sex with you).

You overlooked that incident. Seven days later, he wanted a certain sexual act, you said no, he felt disappointed and being no longer in the mood to be happy-warm-super-romantic, he wasn’t these things any more.

“Yes, maybe Anita, I did overlook all the darkness, again, meaning all the red flags”- and now, do you see red flags regarding his previous suggestions or declarations of love and a future with you?

If you do, what is behind you calling him today, asking to see him tomorrow?

anita